Our lives were forever changed on December 3rd, 2016. Everything has been silent as we struggled to deal with our new reality and try to process how in the world we are supposed to exist every day.
On the evening of December 3rd we were headed to a Christmas party. The kids were full of excitement and thoughts of seeing friends and gifts in their future.
About 20 minutes before we left the house we had a discussion about what exactly a White Elephant Gift Exchange is and how we were going to be big kids even if someone took the most awesome gift out of our grasp.
It was a brisk and dreary night, for Texas that meant we needed jackets and it was spitting rain. We left the house at 6pm or a few minutes after. Our whole family, Will, myself, Courtney, and the kids.
The car ride was quiet. I was being quiet because it was dark and spitting rain, the kids and Courtney were engrossed in their electronics.
I remember saying we needed to stop for gas and Will confirming there was a gas station right before our destination. That is the last thing I remember before the crash.
A hard jolt, loud crash noise, an explosion with bright yellow lights in my eyes is the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital with reality forever seeming to be unreal.
All I can remember is asking, more likely screaming, over and over
“Where is my family, where are my kids? Find them! Find them now. Why isn’t anyone telling what’s going on? Where are my kids?”
Hours or days later I really have no idea; it’s a haze of morphine, vomit and faces, a Chaplain comes to my room.
I think we all know what this means. My world stood still and somehow I had to have the strength to go on and get up every freaking day.
That is the bullshit of it.
Our youngest Clifton, our 7 year old son didn’t survive the accident. Our best friend Courtney was lost in the accident as well. In a matter of minutes we lost almost half of our family.
How is that even possible?
How as a mother, a father, or a parent in any sense can you fail your child in this way? How were we rendered unconscious and not allowed to save our baby boy? It’s our job as parents to keep our children safe from harm and we couldn’t do that.
Then to have to get up every day and go on living. We have to be okay we don’t have a choice we have a ten year old daughter that needs us now more than ever.
It’s an awful reality, yet at the same time we have to be thankful and blessed that our daughter was spared.
In order to survive and not be a basket case on the floor it helps to think about the time we got to spend with our son and how happy he was his entire life. Going through his photos, there is always a smile shining back at me.
I think of all the bullshit he will never have to deal with and that his life ended with the innocence and carefree thoughts of a child.
I will tell my son’s story and be an advocate for safe driving. This accident was caused by sheer carelessness of an individual behind the will. We lost two people we love dearly and our voices will be a reminder to others to pay attention to what you are doing and leave your road rage and impatience at home.
Do not risk innocent lives out of stupidity.
Today our baby boy would have celebrated his 8th birthday.
I cannot give him anything and I cannot hold him close. I can use my life and strive to live in every minute. I want to make my life count that is the least I can do.
I will be returning to my online goals and visions because now more than ever I realize how important life is. You cannot wait forever to start working on your hopes and dreams and waste your life away on someday.
We are not guaranteed any tomorrows.
This is the beginning of being able to spend my time helping others and being able to spend time on what’s important my family.
What you can expect in the near future:
- I will try to be somewhat transparent as my family deals with grief to help others in similar situations though I hope no one has to go through this.
- We are all dealing with a lot of injuries so workout videos that were in the works will be on hold for right now. I have a skull fracture and a broken arm. The rest of my families injuries are more severe so everything we do takes about 3 times as long.
- Recipes may be a bit slow on release as cooking is hard one handed!
- Mental health will begin seeing grief resources as we work our way through this hellish time. Resources on self-confidence are in the works as well, as we deal with scars and deformation from the wreck that won’t fade with time.
Please hold your children and loved ones closes and do not take for granted tomorrows that may never come.
Happy Birthday Clifton William we love you and you will always be in our hearts and we are so glad we were able to spend the time we had with you. You are free from this life. Let your spirit run free with happiness and joy.
Please take a moment to share in our birthday wishes and continued love of our son Cliff. Please share this with everyone you know and so we can spread the word: don’t be another families nightmare.
P.S. If you are interested in the news articles.